Chicken Dinner
by KuraiYuki-chan
Summary: Just a short oneshot. I got bored while eating chicken and this is the result. Rated for the death of a chicken. May be disturbing to vegetarians.


"Ju know vhat I juz realize?" Said North suddenly as they sat down to eat after having returned from the fight against Pitch. "Over all these years, I have never had any of ju over for dinner before! Not once! We were alvays too busy. Dis es exciting, no? And fun." He added, glancing at their newest member whose eyes lit up at the word.

"Ya know, mate. Ya're right. I neva really thought much 'bout it before but we 'aven't" The pooka answered, crinkling his whiskers.

"Da, should do more often. And, of course, special guest make our feast much more. . . special. Is not every day zat man in moon leave moon."

"Well, it is a very special occasion." He said, turning to Jack. "It is not every day that I choose a new guardian and I must say that it is one of my best choices. I know you will make an exceptional guardian, Jack." He blushed at the praise.

Along one side of the table sat North, Jack and Tooth, while along the other sat Sandy, Tsar Lunar Lunanoff, and Bunny as delicious plates piled high with foods of all kinds were brought in by the yeti and set before them on the large mahogany table. There was something for everyone, salads, pastries, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, bread and blackberry jam, chicken soup, vegetable soup, turkey, chicken breast, orange duck, ham, and, of course, cookies, despite to Tooth's protests. Most of the guardians happily dug into the food, all but Sandy who looked at it rather distastefully, as though it were slop thrown on plates rather than a feast. A large yeti wearing a pink apron emerged from the kitchens, a joyful smile spread across her face.

"Ah, Volga!" Cried North, standing to welcome her before pulling her to the head of the table, "Is chef. Best cook in pole." He announced proudly. She chuckled, examining everyone's plate to see what they'd liked best but stopped when she reached Sandy's, her eyes widening at the empty plate that clearly hadn't had anything on it. She grumbled something in yetish and North's brow furrowed.

"Is food not to liking Sandy?" He translated. He shook his head sheepishly, showing an image of a chicken above his head. "'Dere is chicken." Sandy shook his head, pointing to the chicken on their table then showing an x over it before making an image of a chicken once more. "Ju like chicken, juz not zat way?" He guessed. Sandy nodded sheepishly. Volga grumbled something in yetish, heading back to the kitchen. "Volga says ju are picky eater." Sandy smiled at that.

Volga returned a few minutes later with at least five different kinds of chicken that she had made for the yeti's feast later after the workshop had been cleaned and repaired from Pitch's entrance earlier but Sandy turned his nose up at all of them. She brought out two more but Sandy still refused, showing a dreamsand image of a chicken. Volga threw up her arms in exasperation, storming from the dining room, looking very upset.

"I think you made her mad." Muttered Jack. Sandy just shrugged. The door to the kitchen flew open and Volga stormed in, a live chicken clucking in protest tucked under her arm which she then dumped unceremoniously onto Sandy's plate.

"Volga!" North cried. "Get live bird away from food!" Jack snickered, muttering a "told you" under his breath at Sandy.

"Oh!" Exclaimed the Tsar. "I'm sorry Sandy, I must have forgotten. It's been so long since I've seen you." Sandy reached out absently, petting the bird's head gently while North and Volga argued.

Then leaned forward with a blank expression, grabbing the suddenly terrified bird with both hands and shoving it into his wide mouth, bones, beak, feathers and all. Volga cried out in alarm and Tooth screamed. North cursed, spinning around to stare at Sandy, eyes wide with shock while Jack and Bunny just gaped at him. His mouth snapped shut almost too quickly to see and the sickening sound of bones crunching and snapping between surprisingly powerful jaws filled the room. He licked his lips with a grin fitting for a cheshire cat before coughing up a single feather, the only sign the bird had ever been there at all, and wiping his mouth politely with a napkin.

What? He signed at his friend's stunned expressions. You wouldn't want me to eat a dead bird would you? Thats disgusting.

"I'm not hungry anymore…" Muttered Jack, pushing his plate away as Sandy turned to Volga, an image of another chicken dancing above his head as he licked his lips. Volga stuttered something out in yetish, shaking her head vigorously.

"Just give it to him." Chuckled the Tsar. "Its the only thing you have that he'll eat." Volga hesitated a minute, hanging back by the kitchen door before slowly returning to the kitchen, probably to look for any more live animals.

"S-sooooooo…" Muttered Jack as Volga returned with a duck. "What the hell was that about?" The duck fluttered its wings angrily, determined not to be dinner as it scrambled to get away from Volga who released it as the duck bit down on her hand hard. Sandy shot after the bird as it fled down a nearby hallway.

"Ah, that…" Said the Tsar, "I'd forgotten that Sandy is a shooting star." At their blank expressions he continued, "Shooting stars are carnivorous. They only eat meat. To be more specific, they only eat live meat. Eating something that is already dead disgusts them."

"Zat is… disturbing…" Grumbled North.

"Well…" The Tsar began slowly. "As disturbing as it may be, we should only be glad that he doesn't eat your elves, or us for that matter…"


End file.
